An Ocean In My Palm

When my heart broke
It fled to the soothing embrace of the ocean
Waves crash back. A flash of lightning
Illuminating a single memory
Till unwillingly my floodgates open
To the illusion of you
In hallways and corners
In dark rooms. You were but a kind illusion
Who missed the sea.
How many can say that kindness broke their backs
And that they themselves conspired with the sea to break their own hearts.
There was just one at fault in the end.
I walk past you with an ocean of emotion hidden in my tight fists
As you calm the currents in my veins. My world slowed down for you
As I hope the waters wash away your invaded grief
And that the sea finally dreams of you.
As the breeze whispers the last secret to me
That I never really knew you
When my heart broke
It fled to the ocean
So I let it drown me sometimes.

Under The Tarp

They build up your walls
Brick by brick
Under tarp that you passed by the street and you never noticed
Till it was towering above you
You never still noticed
We don’t see how easily cities grow and change
We think we are the same
The flood comes
Making you take in the suffering in one breath, one view of the skyline, one bird
Two eyes
And we see for once the walls your trauma built for you
The walls our collective grief unacknowledged built for us
But we know for once
That anger can destroy our walls
The delicate flowers will over years take over and crumble them all
We see the suffering city and witness its beauty for once.

Reaper of Death

Oh you dear being!
Death brought you no hope
When you chose death because hope died
Rise from the ashes, not as a phoenix but as a charred human
Living this disfigured now is much harder
But still much braver.

Midnight Confessions of a Serial Stalker

The invisible women haunt me
All those people I lost the chance to meet
All those people I lost the chance to speak
All those people I could be.
I see the patterns repeat.
Admire from a distance and then retreat
Into a shell and paint their faces onto the ceiling
Till you are forced to look at them every night. No meaning
In your life do they seem to add
Yet why do I do it.
I see the sky and see connections of people scattered across space like constellations
Burning bright till I realize how far I am from their light.
They are in galaxies of their own.
In venn diagrams of their own, where my circle of life may never intersect theirs.
To create that common space I crave.
I never know what I lack in my reality to go searching for in theirs
Is it something deeper or just unholy curiosity?
Should I send my rockets into space to explore my own duality?
What am I made of?
Multiplicity. Duplicity. Duality.
Pretension. Apprehension. Power. I need an intervention.
To stop looking at the stars and dream of lives far away
When I have mine waiting to be lived.

Lolita

“In the middle of the night she came sobbing into mine,
and we made it up very gently. You see, she had
absolutely nowhere else to go.”
-Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

See her at the edge. Yellow glowing in her eyes
Lighting fires in evil mind.
See her walk away. The world not under her care.
Not under her skirt. Skin bare
Her legs carried her far away from home.
She was the mad woman. Proud in her insanity
She left. Calm. She read.
Trying to drown in the insanity of somewhere else.
Wait. She came home.
Sneaked in. Unwanted or not.
Blending into her shell.
She had stopped pretending she didn’t care.
She was the mad woman. She didn’t.
Trapped between the worlds she made.
She wanted to run away from home
Wait. She came home.
You see, she had absolutely nowhere else to go.