TGH

I keep my two grey hair

In memory of the weight of years

Pretending to not exist to every face I greet

I keep my two grey hair

As though physical manifestations will allow remembrance to not fade

As though I want to not forget. I do.

I keep my two grey hair

I am afraid of who I am when I am happy watching the sunlight

Without memories of when I crossed the threshold of pain

We want to be phoenix

But carry ash on fingertips

To mark walls that will be whitewashed tomorrow anyway.

I keep my two grey hair for lovers to seek

As though memories of grief are a conditional clause for intimacy

I keep my two grey hair

Vague fear of forgetting

Quirk. How weird.

I don’t mind.

When you see them and don’t see me.

I keep my two grey hair in memory of everything else

That lived and grew to forget.

Old Apartment Blues

I miss home.
I miss the warm confusion of leaking lights
The calm moments while staring into the night
The mild repulsion in an old love
The hidden hidden secrets whispered as someone passed by
I knew of home only in the memories of secrets of others
But now dawns some new unfamiliarity
So you take your fearful heart and put the water to boil
As you take comfort in stroking the cats
As your heart bleeds for the present
Knowing that going home will only hurt worse
For all the memories you kept a secret have to die sometime
You will run away to a foreign land
But you are so foreign to yourself too.
Somewhere in their words, you lost your ability to believe your own.
And you need to leave as a condition
To renew your contract with your soul
Because the place you leased will be the same
But you won’t.