Eulogy 1

Would you believe me if I say your words shatter me?

Complete in my awe

I walk away

I am used to walking away from everything that moves me

As though I can afford to be shattered only once

To witness you in close quarters and be broken again and again

Is as beautiful as it is, frightening.

Dig a trench in my heart

Where I can hide some semblance of sanity and self away

Because this could be war

My body riddled with holes where you have reached me too sharp and too fast

I allow myself to be in this line of fire

Where gentle touches could burn like acid

While deluding you into believing

That you are growing new skin

Teach A Monster To Dance

What monstrosity dances in your head?

Wake up and realize that it still hurts.

Calm the fire in your heart, your head and your loins

You burn yourself and others

You spontaneously combust

But take this unholy ash now and smear it on your forehead

Become the agori sadhu, naked in acceptance of the world

And feel the calm of the river for once.

Cherish the moment even as you feel the waves of disgust rolling in

Waves of discomfort cried to yourself so many times that it became as familiar a feeling as hunger

The waves will come but maybe peace will begin to feel familiar too

When you are born under Mars and burn with desire

And burn your desire till you blacken your heart

Peace…does not come easy.

Peace does not come easy

But fire will try to burn like a gentler flame.

And maybe peace will begin to feel familiar too.

And you will befriend your monstrosity again

Teach it a better way to live

A calmer step to dance

And you will be fine again.

Ghost Identities

Run your fingers through your hair
Do you feel the ghost beside you?
A claustrophobic mess you slumber in
Do you feel the fantasy surround you?
A dual life would be far too few
My mind is capable of too many.
The people I see are hundreds
I have invisible company.
The rain slashes through the illusion
I awaken from my mind
I run my fingers through my hair
Marveling at the emptiness beside.

Lolita

“In the middle of the night she came sobbing into mine,
and we made it up very gently. You see, she had
absolutely nowhere else to go.”
-Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

See her at the edge. Yellow glowing in her eyes
Lighting fires in evil mind.
See her walk away. The world not under her care.
Not under her skirt. Skin bare
Her legs carried her far away from home.
She was the mad woman. Proud in her insanity
She left. Calm. She read.
Trying to drown in the insanity of somewhere else.
Wait. She came home.
Sneaked in. Unwanted or not.
Blending into her shell.
She had stopped pretending she didn’t care.
She was the mad woman. She didn’t.
Trapped between the worlds she made.
She wanted to run away from home
Wait. She came home.
You see, she had absolutely nowhere else to go.