Don’t Fill My Blank

Did they see us?
The wall that refuses to break.
The blank that refuses to have love poems written on it.
The empty that has space for no longing but for that of peace.
Love is living but always having lived without this heady brand of it makes me feel like it will be a certain death that I will be tempted to embrace.
My lonely is at peace
So when you watch me leave and my blood is a river threatening to flow right back to you
I will have a strange difficult decision to make.
I fought for my peace
Everyday has been a war fought in a proxy land
In the third space between my mind and tangible reality
So when I space off, I am fighting.
When I walk… alone, I am fighting
I have fought my battles
And when a friend walks into her war
I will rent out my worn out armor with a free hug
Because at least something good should come out of this.
This history of just fighting. This history of just fighting.
When I see you, how do I tell you that being shattered by you will be a lovely end
But I still crave living.
I still crave my peace
My nothingness.
My blank.
Untouched by love.

 

TGH

I keep my two grey hair

In memory of the weight of years

Pretending to not exist to every face I greet

I keep my two grey hair

As though physical manifestations will allow remembrance to not fade

As though I want to not forget. I do.

I keep my two grey hair

I am afraid of who I am when I am happy watching the sunlight

Without memories of when I crossed the threshold of pain

We want to be phoenix

But carry ash on fingertips

To mark walls that will be whitewashed tomorrow anyway.

I keep my two grey hair for lovers to seek

As though memories of grief are a conditional clause for intimacy

I keep my two grey hair

Vague fear of forgetting

Quirk. How weird.

I don’t mind.

When you see them and don’t see me.

I keep my two grey hair in memory of everything else

That lived and grew to forget.